The Abysmal Life of Crayon

Experience the joys in the life of jaded Sydney-siders Crayon and Jamin-kun.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

boring weekend and sleepless night

I had a horrid weekend. Felt like I needed to get away from Jamin-kun, and hated that feeling.

Saturday and Sunday, I just did bugger all, and wandered around the house like a bored cat or something. You know how it is. Jamin-kun had his computer games, and I didn’t want to blog in front of him (our computers are next to each other in the living room – don’t ask me what it is about computer people who need to have a computer each, but we do). Anyway, I knew he’d be looking over my shoulder and I just can’t do it like that.

Anyway, so, I wandered around the house, picking things up, putting them back, going to the fridge, turning on the TV. I don’t even remember thinking. Not thinking at all. I HATE it when I am like that.

I felt completely dead. I have been living with Jamin-kun for only three months. I always thought if I cant live with him, it would have shown itself in the first three months you know?

But we have been happy and everythings been cool. But there he was, happy doing whatever, and me just fidgeting, having no idea what to do with myself.
And I started to get annoyed with him, and as the day wore on, my irritation got worse. It was like "how can you be so entertained by such shit, and me be bored! Not fair!"

But I suddently realised that I can’t always rely on him to do something with me…. I used to be so independant ...but now....We usually do EVERYTHING together. It was a weird feeling thinking, well, what do you like to do, girl? If you want to do something, do it!

And I realised that I have no interests other than writing, and maybe going to the movies, reading. It was like realising you are a loser, but youve been denying it by filling in time doing other stuff...

I sat down on the couch and fiddled with the cushion and said to Jamin-kun in my best whiny voice: “I’m so BORED.”, because I felt like it...

And he kept playing games, and said, without looking up: “Ok. So, do you want to do something?”

Now, this is the thing about Jamin-kun, he is so nice, any other girl would take such advantage of him, I just couldn’t, just COULDn’t be such a bitch and take him away from the game he was enjoying so much, one of those online geek strategy games..

So I said, no no…I’m going….to..go (and I was thinking, What can I do with myself?)…to the…library.”

And he stopped playing and looked at me.

“But it’s Sunday.”
“yeh..yeh, I know. I... like the library.”
“Okaaay.”

And so I did. Went to the library.

And I seriously realised how much I love going there. I used to keep it a secret at school how I used to go to the library…for FUN. Yah, I wouldn’t have been too cool if they found that out.

But seriously, the library in North Sydney is beautiful. Trees all around it, big windows, and hundreds of thousands of books on every subject imaginable.

It was bliss. Don’t know what Jamin-kun thought of it though. I do lots of strange things actually….

Like last night, I couldn’t sleep. So I moved around the bed so I was upside down, my feet up near the pillows, my head down the other way. I could feel Jamin-kun drowsily wake up and roll over to nuzzle me like he normally does.

He put his hand on my feet, stopped, then sat up in the dark. I could see his sillhouette in the dark, and I could just imagine him going “What the fuck?” and I started to snigger! This was at three in the morning, and here I am sniggering at the thought of my boyfriend thinking I’d mutated into a foot head or something. Heheheheh.

Anyway, you know what he did? He shifted around until he was upside down too, with his feet on the pillow and went to sleep with his head next to mine!

Ah god he’s so wonderful!

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