The Abysmal Life of Crayon

Experience the joys in the life of jaded Sydney-siders Crayon and Jamin-kun.

Monday, June 28, 2004

Breath Testing and Police

ah, ok. so far so good.

That weekend came quickly, and went even quicker.

I have to say I hate when this happens. But I didn't think about work once, which is a great thing.

Jamin-kun and I drove to Wollongong in my dodgy little white car on Friday night, which rattled along at 80-100km/h all the way there.

I got really excited when I saw the cops jump out from behind some bushes onto the highway, and start waving all the cars over.

I thought it was going to be something like "Miss, please stay away from here for the moment, we have an escaped lunatic up the road, and he's not feeling kindly tonight." but no, it was just breath testing.

So, I was like "Oooh breath testing, I'm so excited!" And the cop looked at me like I was crazy, and said "You haven't been drinking tonight, I take it."

"No sir," I said, "Absolutely not.." and did the breath test, the test came up negative, and away we went. But not before I asked if I could keep the nozzle thingy you breath into as a souvenir. He must have thought I was nuts, but I do it every time I get breath tested.

I had a funny incident happen to me once on a drive from Musswellbrook to Newcastle one Sunday afternoon about a month ago.

I got hungry at about 2 o'clock in the afternoon, and tried to find something other than McDonalds to eat....There was nothing but fast food joints as far as the eye could see along that dusty, sun scorched highway.

So I pulled over into the Maccas, bought myself a salad, and continued on my way...

Now, the thing is.. Have you ever tried to eat a salad while you are driving? I haven't and doubt I ever will again after that experience.

I got a couple of kilometres down the road, and had to pull over to put the salad dressing over it.

then, as I pulled back out into the traffic, I realised I had done a bit of a burn-out to get back into the fast flow of traffic. And there was a cop car in the lane next to mine.

no problem there, I hadn't really done anything wrong, just churned up a bit of dust, but i could see they were eyeing me as they drove next to me.

I ignored them, and continued to drive, but I slowed down so I was definitely under the speed limit. The cop car dropped right back as well, and got into my lane, but about 5 cars back.

SO..... I relaxed, and started to eat my salad with one hand, driving with the other. All was ok. Lights went red, slowed down, hand on wheel, tomato fell on leg, car wobbled a bit as I picked stuff off the seat, wiped my fingers, dripped dressing onto my lap, missed mouth with lettuce, slowed right down to get fork off the ground.

Then suddenly


The fucking police! Right behind me, lights blazing, and me FREAKING OUT, like "WHAT HAVE I DONE. OH SHIIIIIIT"

I pulled over, stuffed the rest of the salad under the seat, turned down the music and sat trembling, waiting for them to come over.

I thought to myself "Think Think, is it illegal to eat while you drive? Are salads illegal? Dont tell them, dont mention anything about food!"

The cop comes over, and I wind down my window, and before he says anything I squeak "What did I do!"

And he's like, "Breath test, Miss. Have you been drinking today?"

And I realised that they thought I was pissed as a skunk because I had been driving all over the road and going about 20 ks an hour!

The realisation was sudden and the relief VERY welcome. But I couldnt stop shaking, because I had such a shock. I felt like SUCH an idiot.

Anyway, I said to him "oh, man, this is so funny, you thought I was drunk cause I was driving all over the road! Oh MAN! I was just adjusting stuff in here, like...uh...putting tapes on and stuff."

And he said "Why did you pull over back there?"

And I said: "Oh, man, I was just putting dressing on my salad..I'm sorry, I'll never do that again."

And he laughed hard and let me go, and as I drove away, my foot was shaking so much on the clutch that I did another skid!


I love the cops. But only when I'm good.

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