The Abysmal Life of Crayon

Experience the joys in the life of jaded Sydney-siders Crayon and Jamin-kun.

Friday, June 04, 2004

The Honour of Being Deaf

just a note here about my deafness, in case you think I am completely deaf all my life etc - I have some residual hearing. So, I can hear very loud music without my hearing aids, and I can understand what people say if they come up and place their mouth over my ear, and speak loudly. Scary, isnt it?

I've had the honour of being hearing, then deaf. I pretty much started going deaf at age 11, slowly slowly, then lost almost all my hearing when I turned eighteen, and it was HORRIBLE. but now, Im 24, I've accepted it (it IS possible to love yourself even if you can't do something everyone esle can do) and its really quite fun.

Instructions for hearing people who suddenly lose their hearing:

Number one: Make sure everyone you meet knows that you are deaf. Otherwise people, in their judgemental ways, will think
(a) you are ignoring them
(b) you are a bit thick in the head, (otherwise known as "fucken stupid")
(c) not interested in what they are saying
(d) just a plain bitch

I have experienced ALL of these things, the most painful one was people thinking I was stupid. Awful, awful feeling to have everyone think you have the IQ of a shoe or something. Especially when someone asks you something in front of a whole lot of people, and you think they have said something else, and they just all go silent, and look at you like you are a freak! urghhh

When I go out with friends now, and if I am introduced to new people, i make sure they know i'm deaf somehow, and need them to speak clearly. It can be embarrasing. Like making an announcement at a party like "Hey! Everyone! I have really bad psoriasis on my ass. Just thought I'd let you know why I'm not sitting down. Its not like I dont want to stay or anything! Thanks! Have a great night."

Okay. Not as bad as that, feels like it though. Self preservation though I guess...And the added advantage that everyone remembers you...

As painful as it can be, i like having had the difficulties of this disability, because I am much more understanding of all people that have big obstacles in their lives...

With a disability like this, you have more of an interesting life view, like everyone else just calls their friends on the phone - deaf people have to be inventive - like use texting, faxing, paging, internet and other stuff much more than hearing people and we have developed our own fascinating little world in here....

i can switch off my hearing aids when noises get too loud...like trucks and stuff... i can sleep peacefully all night, even during the garbage delivery..... i can pretend i didnt hear when assignment's are due in... i get some free tuition in Australia for courses in University and TAFE...

Don't get me wrong though - I would love to be able to hear - my biggest fear is when I finally can't hear music, and if i ever have children, will I be able to hear what their voices sound like? Will I be able to look after a baby if I acnt hear it cry? I used to play the piano, but now all the notes sound the same. Thats devastating.

But having been through all that, I think that being deaf is not bad - it's just different, and it is definitely the way that you look at it that makes the difference.

I have slowly come to accept my deafness, and now i dont mind it too much... Annoying when you miss the pizza guy though, whos been knockin on your door for the past hour, then gone back to the shop!


fucken pizza guy. i told him to call my mobile when he was close!


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