The Abysmal Life of Crayon

Experience the joys in the life of jaded Sydney-siders Crayon and Jamin-kun.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Something Sad That Happened

I just remembered something sad that happened.

Last weekend, I went to my brothers house to see some Aunts of mine (they are the wives of my mums brothers - if you can follow that)....

And they have known me and my brothers and sister all our lives, all our families are very close, though we dont get to see each other very much.

Anyway, what happened was, these Aunts of mine visited, and my two brothers and I met them for 'afternoon tea' at my brothers house in the suburbs.

We were talking about our memories and cackling over them, and so on. We were talking about all the little kids in the family, and how they are growing up, and it transpired that little Laura, who had always been the baby, has now taken up piano lessons, and is playing almost as well as her dad (who is my uncle).

My aunt brenda turned to me and said, "You were always the most brilliant pianist in the family. How are you going with that."

I could barely answer.

The truth is, I stopped playing the piano when i realised I couldnt hear the notes anymore.

It was devastating..

I had played the piano all my life, from when I was 5 or six, and I was very very good.

I remember one teacher muttering under her breath when she heard me play "How?", I was only about 7, but I had already mastered a french pycho grade 8 peice (hardest grade - professional grade)at that age, and was belting out this peice like I was having a tantrum.

I won many many prizes, and just loved the feel of the music coming through my fingers.

But one day. I was playing. And someone said to me, I dont remember who, "thats out of key, what you're playing."

And I didnt believe them,. I thought it sounded alright.

But I remember then sitting, stunned next to the piano, running my fingers across each note, and realising that I could no longer really distinguish the tones of each note across the board.

I wept, I remember. Just such a huge sadness. So so sad. It felt like I had died, or someone close to me had died. There was nothing I could do, because a few months later the doctors confirmed that I had a sensory-neural hearing loss, which was not brought on my disease or genetics. I was just unlucky.

So, I stopped playing.

I remember a few years ago I found a cassette tape I had made of myself playing all my favourite peices at age 8.

I cried when I heard that tape! I was at my mums when I found it, on my own luckily.... I sat down at the piano there, and tried to follow the music that I was playing on the tape... And I could not remember now how to play any of them, and couldn't if I tried, because I relied so much on hearing the music to play it.

I just wept and wept and wept.


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